You are viewing the most recent 25 entries.
25th August 2006
2nd April 2006
When The Internet Was Down...
Sunday, April 02, 2006
As to why Earthlink isn't working, I don't even want to know but something tells me my mother is behind it.Right now, I am so groggy and over-worked from sex that I am too tired to think...but blabber, now that's something I can do.
My plans for today were simple and that included taking my sister outdoors with me so that my going to see Mr. Meadow wouldn't look suspicious and on top of that my mother wouldn't get annoyed with me taking money out of her wallet. Things went great and I couldn't have asked for it to have gone better. Mr. Meadow & I are finally official and I am so very happy! EEHH! I'm like a giddy school girl.
Okay, so..my sister kept on calling me and I began to worry. I finally had to get up out of there and stop acting like a doting girlfriend. I tried rushing as fast as I could and my sister ended up going home and not following through on us meeting at the corner so it'd look like we had both gone out together. I heard my mother screaming in the background when I called her back and my cousin had something to do with it. The fucking bitch, GOD I FUCKING SWEAR!! She is always sabotaging and for the most part the fakest person I know. She goes around gathering tid bits of information just so that she can see someone's life get ruined temporarily. She was talking shit about my disowned older sister's bored married life, but I know deep down it bothers my cousin that she isn't married herself and turned into this compulsive gossiper. I told my sister to just say that we were at the movies with a made up friend name I made "Stephanie" and then we ended up taking the Q23 to the Q58 and I headed out to her house down the block to hang out for a bit later. It probably ruined the trust she had in me and that wasn't my intention but then again no one told her to take her ass home. I actually got teary-eyed on the lonely walk home. My mother for not understanding..for me being in the situation I'm in..for my sister possibly not trusting me again..for my cousin getting hers..and mostly for wanting to be the happiest girl in the world for meeting Mr. Meadow and the balance of good and evil being thrown off.
12th March 2006
I've had something good once before, or at least I thought it was.
Current Mood: calm
26th November 2005
Makes No Sense
Awoke to an excruciating headache this morning/afternoon. Even now I can't explain why I had it but, ::sigh:: whatever.
Pretty much what I did yesterday was pointless. I don't know why I try to convince myself that I can change people's opinions and letting them know I'm there for them. A waste of breath..yeah that's what it was. It's like Gefilte rewind. I wanna yell but my head is still tender. Minimized it to a couple of weeps.
After waking up at 5ish I wanted to go out, needed a breather..ya, know. Mother ended up leaving to the mall with the aunt and cousin by this time. Called Kim, she was sleeping..called Rob and again he didn't pick up the phone. Called Gefilte and his phone went straight to voicemail.
No one to contact. Sometimes, there are no such things as friends. To whoever I might offend..that's how I feel at the moment, can't help it.
I miss school a lot, at least there's some form of escape for a couple of hours of the day.
It'll all be worth it in the end.
Current Mood: lonely
23rd October 2005
survey in a nutshell
1. What time is it? 7:55 am
Current Mood: horny
19th October 2005
I know which way the winds blows
The past couple of days have been good. I've been real excited and can't wait till Monday. Only thing is that I have to leave my house at 6-6:20 am to get there by 8 am and it's in Queens! My back has been killing me. There's burning pain/throbbing sensation on my left shoulder blade. Nothing is helping it. I blame my boobs & bookbag.
Tea tree oil blemish sticks are a miracle. My zits are clearing up and shrinking :D
Oh yea, so is cocoa butter.
Was told by some kid named Johnny in the program that they give really trippy drugs for people who have anxiety. Sounds like a plan hehe ::mischievous grin::
Now to end this log with a simple note...
Simple aim conversation enjoyments in 2 'o clock in the morning and finishing high school work:
Sasquarce27 (2:24:40 AM): you should have a website or somethin
Current Mood: peaceful
25th August 2005
An Interesting Quiz...
TO AMSTERDAM I GO!!
Current Mood: lethargic
2nd August 2005
Being d-------- has gotten a hold of me. Fuck you. I want to stop ------. :
Current Mood: sad
9th July 2005
I think I was an okay baby.
DO YOU SHOP AT AMERICAN EAGLE?
Current Mood: hungry
26th June 2005
Fun, crazy, calm weekend. Been spending lots of time with Kim socially. Taking it with open arms and see where it goes. She's working on our Spongebob friend list as I'm typing this right now. This Saturday/Sunday was a real adventure. I left my house about 2:55 p.m and got to Kim's at about 3:40 pm-ish. It was hilarious just thinking about all the fussing in looking cute that came before I decided to jump into the pool later on that night. I met Nico for the first time and he didn't bark. Everyone said it was a first he stayed quiet when someone new came in, which has to be a good thing. We headed out to Staten Island at 6:30 p.m and didn't get there till 10:30 p.m. It was great just having the typical pal train trip except us gals had the cigarette in one hand, house-warming gift in the other. There are about twenty different stories for each pit stop I made alone and with Kim which will make a great story if we look back someday. Being on the S.I ferry for the first time was so relieving. The breeze felt so good after smelling Canal Street's melting pot of shit. The statue of liberty looked so pretty from a distance. Geez, I sound like a tourist.
The bus ride on the S47, ( 45 whatever) was a battle with Mr. Sandman. He was battling hard but we made it. At the bbq, Pete opened our gifts and loved 'em. Joe's welcoming to his home was a vicodin and a smile. Later on, I went in the pool big tee, undies and all. It felt so good to not feel hot, sticky, and attacked by the bugs. Then it was a kum-ba-ya moment just sitting around after everyone went to bed to talk nonsense and joke about anything that popped into our heads. The sun came up and birds were almost massacred. It was cool getting to have that much of an intimate moment with friends from nightfall to daylight.
Mr. Best Person Of The Day award goes to Sean and his wonderful and generous agreement to drive Manda, Me, Kim, & Fernando home. I felt shitty cuz I had my last dollars on my metrocard and not on hand to give some money for gas & toll. I owe next time. I was walking down the block to my house and some Dominican hicks in a van saw me in long white guy tee and I yelled some slurs at 6:15 in the morning. I went on the potty, peed and found my monthly visit to bring me a weekly torment.
Randy was hear and told me about my childhood crush's achievements so far. I'm hot for Daniel again. I want him to want me. He helped Randy while he was puking when they went to the club Saturday night. He also told Randy that since Carlos was gone he was gonna watch over him now. I was deeply touched.
Talk with Mercedes about being hurt by each other. My name is Mayerlin and I am guilty of being envious of people at times when my life is shit because I do nothing to change mine. Thank god Joe's advice came at the nick of time. I feel ready...I am ready.
Current Mood: determined
14th June 2005
The Start Of My Book...
Feel Free To Comment. It's just a bit of it. What do u guys think? :
She sits naturally undaunted on the cold cherry wooden paneled floor gazing at the photographs that her life once held. The sunlight from her window glared against the photograph she was analyzing. The guy who once said he loved her grinning from ear to ear with his arm around her shoulder so lovingly. She had now become numb to the feeling she exuded in the photograph. Her mind had become so consumed in the pain he had brought in a simultaneous flash. “How naive I was.” she said under her breath. She places the photograph back into her shoebox full of memories and closes the lid to the past she had exposed briefly. “Now back to facing reality”, she thought.
Her daily activities consisted of acting for a play she called LIFE. She dreaded her co-existence in her surroundings so badly but knew that the change was hesitatingly close. As she selected outfits from her boudoir, she paused for a moment and gazed at the girl looking back at her. In the distance she could hear her family moving about in constant...
Current Mood: calm
18th May 2005
Apathy, well I can say your lucky, in some ways.
You see Apathy is no emotion, basically you
don't care. But that does not make you a bad
person. Some of my friends are apathetic and I
love them, but it wouldn't hurt to care a
little more. Trust me life hurts, most people
who are apathetic do it cause they were hurt.
But don't worry, life is pain, its also
pleasure. Good luck. (please vote)
What Emotion Dominates you?
brought to you by Quizilla
Dum, Dum, Dum
I was twirling around 71st & Continental asking yuppy old people for directions to find Touro College. But I got nada. My cell phone's been disconnected so I couldn't even call the place. It's in my agenda for tomorrow, another adventure up and down Queens Blvd. I got my mapquest map and backpack all I need are my purple tube socks (Dora The Explorer). :
Current Mood: tired
17th May 2005
Yea, Yea, Yea...
Oh well, there's this fabulous program at Touro College but those fuckers have people working for them for no reason it seems. They don't know how to pick up telephones or return messages for that matter and I'm still waiting. I guess I'm in a rush to get everything done with and start college already. The determination is there, and it's making my heart and mind race. Right now, I'm being a good daughter.Cleaning up the house, have the meat marinating, and hm..oh yea my room is clean haha. So, I decided I need a social re-vamp. I haven't really tried to contact ppl or stuff like that because I've had the same story for months now and it's getting boring. Hopefully after I figure out the whole program at Touro, I want to look into getting a little part-time for 3-4 days a week to just keep cash in the wallet. Then I will become the ultimate party monster reincarnation without the without the drugs of course. I've also been jogging in place, stretching, pullups because ppl are only young once. This body needs to look it's best while my skin is still firm ;-P. I've been talking to Kim alot and it's been "GRRREAT" in the words of Tony the Tiger. So yea, that's what I've been up to. :
Current Mood: good
11th April 2005
Accepting Rejection And Learning...
So Saturday I decide to try out for "America's Next Top Model" since my friend was confronted by alot of people to join. I tagged along because it was something I was focused on a while back when I was 12-14 years of age and to give her support. I was feeling pretty confident because it can easily exude and most people are attracted to that. I get to Macy's at 34th Street at about 9:00 A.M. When I finally get there with my friend the line goes around the block three times. We didn't get seen until 2:00 P.M...the whole time wearing 3 1/2 inch heels. My feet...oh, man the pain. My friend and I were informed that we needed photographs so there were a couple of people taking polaroids for 2 for $5.00. I took a full body shot and attached it to the 15 page application. We're taken to the 9th floor where there is another line to make around the whole floor which took about an hour wait. Stickers were given out again and I was No. 870 Then there was another trip to go down to the 8th floor to make another line which took another hour. Finally we get to the audition room and had to wait outside for 15 minutes. We get inside the room where they have about 30 girls stacked next to each other like sardines in a tin can. We were asked to say our name, age, height, and weight. If your name wasn't called you had to leave the room. Well they didn't call me...I was a little pissed cuz my feet were in so much pain but hey with rejection comes motivation to come back bigger and better. They did call my friend however, but our promise was that at least one of us had to make it. But I wasn't going to compete with a 5'10, 125 lb girl...me just being 5'8 and 153 lbs. But my friend never returned for her follow-up because she would have to stay until 12:00 A.M.
I was proud that I was courageous enough to go through the whole thing not knowing how my fate would turn up. It was the first time I followed through on something without feeling like I needed someone to be behind me on that. I'll definetly go back with some pointers I picked out.
1- Lose Weight- down to 120
2- Tons of Makeup
3- Fab Hair
Current Mood: groggy
25th March 2005
The Buildup Of Hot Streaming Tears...
Worried is a good word to describe this emotion. Hurt and in many ways disappointed. How can you let someone know that no matter how much you want to be there for them, you can't. Will is making me depressed. I want to be there but what the fuck am I supposed to do. I am not financially able or on my own to do what I can.
Current Mood: depressed
25th January 2005
Honestly recently I've been tired of putting myself in a pushover role with a lot of people. I thought it was me feeling cheap but nah, it was making myself flexible for too many people and accepting everything, including their flaws.
Greg... I've known since March of last year and we've never made anything I mean nada official. Finally we make being friends official. He ended up confronting me 2 months ago and had told me the time we were involved that it wasn't my fault, that I was a "special lady". So we were friends but of course he knows that I've always been interested in something more. I took all his shit like during the time he became distant with me it was because of some girl he was involved with before me he had gotten pregnant and now he has a daughter. Our relationship since he confessed has been so stupid. He im's me online every 3-4 days. I finally flipped today when he answered a question today at 10: something in the morning when I asked him yesterday at 3: something in the morning. He had the nerve to fucking answer without repeating the question real casually. I told him not to attempt to call me or im me. I also told him since when was having a friendship such a commitment. He said whatever...peace and blocked my screenname. I learned that if someone has to force a friendship with me or taking and never giving back, it was a big waste of my time.
I'm so emo... Robert was supposed to come over and he couldn't cuz the snow fucked up the F line. Fuck this morning. I'm gonna go with Dominique later to pierce my lip and nose. I'll post pics later...
Current Mood: bitchy
22nd January 2005
Little unknown fact... January 23rd is National Pie Day. I can't wait until I could throw my back against the cold mountain peaks of fallen snow tomorrow. I'm so emotional right now. I hate feeling lonely which apparently recently I've let co-inhabit with me. Just been alot of people who made me feel cheap. I am officially going on the 25th with my mother and signing myself out of high school. Real world here I come...NOT! Makes me feel a bit worthless but it'll just be another four months of my life trying to recieve a diploma- "the big staple of life". So pissed because that's all Middle College was to me...It drained me out of the capacity to actually believe that people do have faith in me and actually give a fuck about my voice, my emotions, my intelligence. It's always a goddamn test.
Too many people have let me down. My fucking recruiter. It hurts so bad because I really wanted to join the army , build that independence and he never even took me seriously. The pervert was either complementing my breasts, my ass, my hair and I flipped. He said that I had told him I wasn't even sure if I was joining the army which is total bullshit. Then he asked me to join him downstairs of the recruiting place and that he wouldn't tell if I wouldn't tell --> the nerve. I walked out of the place and told him how stupid and embarrassed his wife and three kids must feel to have a husband and father like him.
I haven't been looking for relationship- point blank they aren't for me. I've also embraced the fact that I am bi so no one is really gonna be titled anything soon. Plain out "fuck-buddy" has been my frame of mind so some guy I've known for about 5 years I saw recently and we made out same day. We spoke later and he was trying to put himself at my no-commitment level. I got so turned off that I stood him up at 9 in the morning. It just made me feel so good that I could stoop his wack ass game and self- esteem. If anyone was getting a pat on their back it was me.
Current Mood: distressed
11th January 2005
Kicking Back...Lazy Status
Haven't been going to school so I have all the mornings to myself (yea!) Just waiting till the end of January to start another semester. I have this stupid running test at 7-8 something in the p.m for nite skool. I have to run for ten minutes straight. Not a great idea for someone who smokes cigarettes. Gotta stradle on that sports bra, lol.
Current Mood: amused
25th October 2004
15th September 2004
About the life of a SUPER-SENIOR:
So nothing has really been written in a hott minute. So I've started at Middle College again and it's not as stressful as I thought it would be. Things have changed alot. I was so used to walking up to the school entrance and seeing either Kim, Bonnie, and Amanda smoking stoogies at the school entrance and having little chit-chats. It wasn't there anymore, and it was depressing. I was smoking a stoogie outside with Patrick and he brought it up willingly. He was like man, those were my friends and they aren't here anymore...that sucks. I thought it was really sweet. I got a big locker in house today...it was Bonnie's old locker.
There's no more 6th periods...(lol, just thinking of Kim's expression when she had to stay sixth for the stupid freshmen). I have 2nd period- Debby, and 5th with this new teacher called Jeremiah (really really hot in a sarcastic sort of way). I also have night school at Park West for AS2A & Gym.
Speaking of new teachers, there are too many to begin. It is offical Kevin, David, Ivonne, Susanna, and Leticia aren't there anymore. W/e, Kevin will be missed the most.
I saw a couple of old people from school the first day. Joe Picone went to pick up his diploma and as I opened the burgundy book when he passed it and I saw his name on it, it made me realize how bad I really wanted one. Jerry Olivo passed by too (um..LOSER), Angelo, Delila's man Jose, and Jasmine.
Current Mood: calm
1st September 2004
Today Was A Total Shocker...
My religion Sex & The City disappointed me terribly today. I can't believe how fake the last two episodes I saw on TBS looked. Just the whole scenarios that came up put me in an upsetting mood. TBS is fucking shyt up-- big time.
OmG, I was so "sarcastic happy" earlier. A letter in the mail came under my name from Middle College High School. They were informing me that I start September 13th @ 8:15 a.m & that I'm in House 2 once again, in the same room. Couldn't they have placed me in House 5 or something on the other side of the school. Can't wait!! ( and I know I'm bullshyting myself but at least I'm one day closer to bouncing from that hell hole).
I chilled with Sammi at Austin Street today just smoking stoogies and reminscing about things that had happened to us before at our secret spot (Boston Market). While sipping on that orange soda I couldn't help but daydream a bit. Daydreaming is a contagious disease that makes us wish of things that are clearly not in front of us. So much I wanna do yet time is limiting me once again. The quote that I can't help but think about the commerical from the Celebrity Cruises.." I think of this as a temporary stay." Guess, it's that little kid in me that just wants to grow up ahead of her time. I'm hoping no offspring of mine come out like that cuz it's a pain in the butt.
Current Mood: weird
30th August 2004
I Might Be Making That Paper!!!
Here sitting at my computer when I should be getting ready for an interview I have for "The Children's Place" @ 3:30. I'm happy because I really need that $ paper $. I was all depressed and shit cuz I had applied to madd places at Queens Center Mall and I got a call back. It was like an audition. Newayz I wanted to share..crossing my fingers behind my back.
Words Of Encouragement I Recieved:
-Lots Of Fake Smiling
- Lots Of Enthusiasm
Sounds like something they tell you at a Beauty Pageant...I can't help but laugh at it.
Current Mood: determined
26th August 2004
Recovering From Sickness
I've just been sick...
Current Mood: sick